The above quote couldn't be more perfect. Everyday I need to consciously tell myself, 'this is another great day'. Each day the fear is lurking, but I rationally tell myself, that I'm doing well. I have no symptoms to be concerned about, to keep my head held high and keep moving forward.
Lately, I have been training for my first official 5K and its going fairly well. However, currently, the weather is not cooperating so I have been forced to the elliptical. But at least it's something. I'm keeping myself motivated, but when I slow down for a moment, that's when my true emotions surface.
The past two weeks I have been very emotional. I could cry at any moment and would become angry with myself when a tear would creep down my cheek or several would begin to fall. I would mentally tell myself to stop and quit being so weak.
This morning I realized it's an accumulation of things. Firstly, this month is the anniversary of my stem-cell transplant and that alone carries so many emotions. Secondly, I'm training for a 5K for a little warrior princess recently diagnosed with leukemia, and thirdly, a gentleman lost his battle with leukemia after his stem-cell transplant. And finally, as I was watching the TODAY show there was a short documentary piece of a young girl who battled leukemia, relapsed, had stem-cell transplant and relapsed again, it's just too much to take in and process.
There are so many levels of healing after cancer, emotionally, mentally and physically. I am taking each one and dealing with each one individually and sometime, all at the same time. I'm happy to say, that I have been doing really well, but today it just became too much.
But I'm not going to wallow in self-pity or sadness. I'm going to allow the tears flow. I'm going to allow all of the negative feelings and thoughts to exit through those tears and move forward. I'm going to continue to count my blessings and I'm going to continue to be thankful that this is another year, another day, another moment in time, that I'm able to share with my family and closest friends.
Image source:
http://quotes-lover.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Your-intellect-may-be-confused-but-your-emotions-will-never-lie-to-you.jpg
perfect
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