Well, another bump in the road. It seems any time I begin anything physical to help strengthen my body or to regain lost energy, my beginning is successful. Then after a week or two, my body crashes and has difficulty keeping up. This time around I consciously listened to my body and knew when to slow it down and not overdo it. But my body still gave out. I had difficulty with my knees and legs after the walking/jogging combination. The pain at times became so bad I could hardly walk around my house (i.e. from the couch to the kitchen, etc). And as always with any exercise regimen my breathing becomes an issue and my coughing fit begins either during the workout or after. One of the most frustrating things is feeling the need to take a deep breath and unable to get that breath.
So, now I'm trying to decide my next step. What am I doing wrong? I can't give up and I won't give up with trying to become more fit and healthy. It's just so completely frustrating when going into something new with such good intentions and good morale, then to be met with resistance.
The past few weeks have been a very emotional time for me. With the anniversary of my stem-cell transplant and now, I feel, another failure in my journey to health and fitness, I'm not sure what I need to do next.
I'm trying to learn from these difficulties and I'm trying to adjust my life because of them but most times I feel it's a lost cause. I'm three years post-transplant and I'm wondering is this just going to be the way it is? And that no matter how easy things were for me prior to cancer, that my life after will never ever be the same.
I am constantly comparing the success of others and seeing their accomplishments with diet/exercise, including running, marathons, etc. So what is my deal? Why can't I get there? Why does it seem to be taking me longer? I don't understand. I don't want to be held back. I want to keep moving forward with my life but these barriers/obstacles keep popping up.
Each day continues to be a battle, some better than others. The only thing I can do is 'hope' for a brighter and more successful tomorrow and continue to keep the warrior in me fighting for its next battle, whatever that may be.
Image source: http://thefabweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/jbkgn.jpg
Thank you so much for your blog. You are helping so many including myself. I get so discouraged @ times. I look @ people like Robin Roberts & athletes who have went through this. They look so energized & healthy. While just a trip to the grocery store wears me out. My primary Dr is very concerned that I am too depressed. I have tried explaining to him that I stay exhausted all the time. I don't have the energy to be my "bubbly" self. In the past 4 years, I have went from working 12 hr shift as ICU nurse, taking care of my mother, her household & mine, plus being very active in church & being physically fit to some days I can barely make it from the bed to the couch if I have overexerted myself the previous day. It is very frustrating. What I used to do in a day now takes up to a week & forget multi-tasking; not w/ the chemo fog. Have to take it one day @ a time. :)
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