So...what's around the corner??? That's the big question!!! Not only was I given a second chance with life...but I was blessed with a 3rd chance and, obviously, I don't want to waste it!!!
The first thing I was questioning was my job. Did I really want to go back to the stress of the job itself...the stress of the environment...and the stress of attempting a professionalism that was hard won in the public's eye??? I wasn't sure because I had been with the Agency for 12 years. That was my life and felt that that is all I knew. So, after speaking with my Dr and with his reluctance he did approve for me to go back part-time. I needed to do that to find out whether I should move on or not. Honestly, I think I even knew that first day back at work that it wasn't for me anymore. I realized that my life has drastically changed due to cancer and that those changes included my job. My heart just wasn't in it and my body just wasn't ready. My first week back I missed two days of work because I was already ill. I tried to stick it out but after three weeks and not being able to work a full week it was time to turn in my resignation. So now, my slate is wiped clean. I feel I have this fresh start and so many possibilities. I have thought of many different things that I may want to do but I haven't found that 'it' job. Although I'm beginning to realize it may be something related to cancer and working with people who have been diagnosed with cancer. I started pursuing the ideas of a county support network and I just need to get a plan in motion and begin speaking to right people.
In the mean time, I may have a part-time job that will help assist me in fulfilling my vision of what I want to be doing. I am definitely a person that has the innate quality of wanting to help others, so what better way than to speak to others about my own trials with cancer/transplant. Connecting with others and sharing our experiences can be very healing and therapeutic.
But my career isn't the only thing that has been affected by bouts with cancer. Not only has this experience affected my outlook on my beliefs and perceptions of what I want out of life but my relationships as well. And its not necessarily effected them negatively, just differently. Some people have told me that they've noticed a change on how I look at things, interpret them and even react to them. And then there are the people that really haven't seen that big of a change. And of those individuals, they see little changes but nothing to extreme and really don't think too much about it because its to be expected. For those people who have seen the change, I need to realize that this is an adjustment for them as well, and as long as we communicate with one another, then everything should be fine...right?!?!
So, now I'm in this place of trying to discover my wants and desires. I'm trying to discover what it is I want to do next and there are so many possibilities. Its just trying to make that next step that can be frightening and once I'm more able to discover who I am...than maybe that next step will be easier than I think!!! Which leads me to my next blog..."Who am I"???
Image source: http://www.evansink.com/page/2/
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