My Journey and Transformation

Today was my regularly scheduled monthly appointment.  According to my doctor, everything seems to look fine.  He said the blood work looks good and everything else appears to be good too. 

Next month will be two years since my transplant.  Normally, at this milestone, standard tests and procedures need to be completed.  The biggest one is the bone marrow biopsy which will be done on November 13th.  The anxiety still hasn't dissipated, but its not ruling my life either.  One of the statistics that was given to us regarding being "cured" after transplant was 5 years.  But, I think that is the same for a lot of cancers.  Statisticians, Doctors, the medical/scientific world, state that if you remain in remission for 5 years, a person is considered "cured".  They further state, if someone has undergone a stem-cell transplant, and if that person achieves remission after two years, their chances of relapse are significantly small.  So there is a lot of HOPE.  I've made it this far and I'm still "hoping" that it will continue and has me reflecting on my journey these past three years.

It's been quite a journey.  I really don't even know where to begin.  Some may think that it begins the day of my diagnosis, but it really doesn't.  My journey began my first day I was brought into this world and took my first breath.  All of us have our "own life's journey".  And each journey shapes us into the person we are in the present.  All of us experience lessons in life and its up to us whether we learn from them or continue to ignore them.  So, as I sit here, I'm reflecting on my life lessons that I chose to learn from and others I, unknowingly, ignored. 

In one of my previous blogs, "Changes", I referred to three pictures, before cancer, in remission, and after transplant.  A friend of mine commented on those pictures stating that in the first two it appears that I have a look in my eyes that's inquisitive, like I'm searching for something and wondering what's next.  I looked back at the pictures, and think she maybe right, it really does look that way.  In my third picture, it looks as though, I'm happy and content, that I'm no longer searching.  And, I realized she may have really hit the nail on the head, because that's how I feel.  I really don't feel like I'm searching for anything.  I'm embracing life and the things that have been offered.  I'm less focused on what's next and how to make things better, in whatever thing I think needs fixing.  I always had the tendency to want to make things better, even if other's thought it didn't need to be.  I'm learning to live second by second, hour by hour, and day by day.  I'm enjoying the here and now!!!  It's unfortunate that it had to take cancer, relapse, and transplant for me to figure out what is best for me, but it's really okay.  If I hadn't been through this, I'm not sure where I would be, especially, on the inside.

Cancer doesn't define a person, but I am defined by what cancer has opened my eyes to, if that makes any sense. I definitely can say that I love myself.  I love who I am as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, and friend.  Maybe some people would say that they wish they never had to go through cancer, but I, honestly can't say that.  Cancer is a part of my life's journey and it has made me look at life differently.  It's made me look at what things I do need to take seriously and other things that really are not so important. Sure, there are things that still gets me riled up, and I bitch and vent to those who are closest to me and know me best, but after the venting, I'm done.    I can move on because what will be, will be, and I have no control of those things outside of me. 

I'm looking forward to life after cancer/transplant.  I'm looking forward to embracing what is next for me, my husband, my children, my friends and family.  There will be ups and downs, and that's okay, as long as I stay true to myself and embrace my life's journey.  Which will lead me to my next blog.  That blog may not be directly discuss the effects of cancer or transplant but a reflection of how cancer, relapse and transplant are affecting the decisions that I am making now and how it has molded me into the person I am today. 

I just wanted to thank you for reading my blogs.  There will be many more to come.  My blogs come from a deep emotional reaction to something that has or is occurring in my life.  I plan on moving forward, but in that journey, something from my experience with cancer and transplant, may trigger something that I need to discuss while I was suffering and trying to live through that dreaded disease.

Until then...Happy Reading!!!

Image source:
http://enerqihealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Journey-of-a-Thousand-Miles-First-Steps-n-Courage-to-Change.jpg