December Snow

Enjoying the beauty of the freshly falling snow...appreciating the wonders of nature and embracing and living life. :-)

Bump in the Road

Well, another bump in the road.  It seems any time I begin anything physical to help strengthen my body or to regain lost energy, my beginning is successful.  Then after a week or two, my body crashes and has difficulty keeping up.  This time around I consciously listened to my body and knew when to slow it down and not overdo it.  But my body still gave out.  I had difficulty with my knees and legs after the walking/jogging combination. The pain at times became so bad I could hardly walk around my house (i.e. from the couch to the kitchen, etc). And as always with any exercise regimen my breathing becomes an issue and my coughing fit begins either during the workout or after.  One of the most frustrating things is feeling the need to take a deep breath and unable to get that breath.

So, now I'm trying to decide  my next step.  What am I doing wrong?  I can't give up and I won't give up with trying to become more fit and healthy.  It's just so completely frustrating when going into something new with such good intentions and good morale, then to be met with resistance.

The past few weeks have been a very emotional time for me.  With the anniversary of my stem-cell transplant and now, I feel, another failure in my journey to health and fitness, I'm not sure what I need to do next.

I'm trying to learn from these difficulties and I'm trying to adjust my life because of them but most times I feel it's a lost cause.  I'm three years post-transplant and I'm wondering is this just going to be the way it is?  And that no matter how easy things were for me prior to cancer, that my life after will never ever be the same.

I am constantly comparing the success of others and seeing their accomplishments with diet/exercise, including running, marathons, etc.  So what is my deal?  Why can't I get there?  Why does it seem to be taking me longer?  I don't understand.  I don't want to be held back.  I want to keep moving forward with my life but these barriers/obstacles keep popping up.

Each day continues to be a battle, some better than others.  The only thing I can do is 'hope' for a brighter and more successful tomorrow and continue to keep the warrior in me fighting for its next battle, whatever that may be.

Image source: http://thefabweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/jbkgn.jpg

Emotions Never Lie

The above quote couldn't be more perfect.  Everyday I need to consciously tell myself, 'this is another great day'.  Each day the fear is lurking, but I rationally tell myself, that I'm doing well.  I have no symptoms to be concerned about, to keep my head held high and keep moving forward.

Lately, I have been training for my first official 5K and its going fairly well.  However, currently, the weather is not cooperating so I have been forced to the elliptical.  But at least it's something.  I'm keeping myself motivated, but when I slow down for a moment, that's when my true emotions surface.

The past two weeks I have been very emotional.  I could cry at any moment and would become angry with myself when a tear would creep down my cheek or several would begin to fall.  I would mentally tell myself to stop and quit being so weak.

This morning I realized it's an accumulation of things. Firstly, this month is the anniversary of my stem-cell transplant and that alone carries so many emotions.  Secondly, I'm training for a 5K for a little warrior princess recently diagnosed with leukemia, and thirdly, a gentleman lost his battle with leukemia after his stem-cell transplant.  And finally, as I was watching the TODAY show there was a short documentary piece of a young girl who battled leukemia, relapsed, had stem-cell transplant and relapsed again, it's just too much to take in and process.

There are so many levels of healing after cancer, emotionally, mentally and physically.  I am taking each one and dealing with each one individually and sometime, all at the same time.  I'm happy to say, that I have been doing really well, but today it just became too much.

But I'm not going to wallow in self-pity or sadness.  I'm going to allow the tears flow.  I'm going to allow all of the negative feelings and thoughts to exit through those tears and move forward.  I'm going to continue to count my blessings and I'm going to continue to be thankful that this is another year, another day, another moment in time, that I'm able to share with my family and closest friends.

Image source:
http://quotes-lover.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Your-intellect-may-be-confused-but-your-emotions-will-never-lie-to-you.jpg

In Memory...

Today's post is in Honor and Memory of Jason W.  He passed away today as a result of leukemia and an unsuccessful stem-cell transplant.

My heart is breaking for his wife, children, family and friends.

I have been following his page on FB for quite some time.  I've been praying for his strength to fight and succeed in battling and beating leukemia.

This a very sad day and today my run is in his memory.  Good bless you Jason, may you be at Peace and now may you be a Guardian Angel to your wife and children.  My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you and your family.

Couch to 5K, Week 2 Day 3

I'm back...I know I didn't post anything Thursday or Friday, but I was recuperating.  On Thursday, I had a work conference in Philadelphia.  Overall driving time was a little over 8 hours and the conference began at 9 am and didn't commence until a little after 5.  So in other words it was a long day, but a great one too!!!  By the time I got home, the plan I had didn't last long.  I had previously thought I would commit to my planks and P90 100 abs, but obviously that didn't happen and I was way too exhausted.

Yesterday, I had a busy morning taking my daughter to the doctor and picking up my little buddy who I babysit periodically through out the week.  Fortunately, I was able to meet up with my bestie for a run during lunch.  I am noticing that I am having a much easier time for each training session.  The sessions are slowly becoming easier, not much, but enough that I can notice.  At least it's a start and I'm going to continue my training, I can't and won't give up.

Cancer is not going to stop me.  I have allowed myself enough time to rest and recuperate but I can't do it forever.  I will continue to monitor how my body responds and will give it the time for rest and recuperation it needs when necessary, but I won't give in.  I will continue to push and not give in to every tired moment. This is part of the healing process, knowing when to push yourself for the better but knowing when to take a break for the better.

So I'm going to keep moving and rocking on. \m/


Image Source: http://seasonitalready.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/couch_to_5kpic.jpg

Couch to 5K, Week 2 Day 2

Today was another great day.  I worked at Curves and while I was working I completed the circuit while incorporating some Zumba.  It's always a good time and having such a great group of ladies to do it with is even better!!!

After work, I met up with one of my best friends who decided to try out the C25K training.  It was a very cold night, I think it was the coldest night of the year.  But we didn't let it stop us.  We went to a local driving park that was decently lit, at 7 o'clock at night, and we completed the entire 30 minutes.  I think she enjoyed it and is willing to do it again of Friday.  Yay me!!!  I'm so thankful to have such great friends to laugh with, hang out with and even exercise/train with.

I have a long day of travel tomorrow.  All of the staff from Curves has a conference to attend and we will be on the road for a total of 7 to 8 hours, plus participating at the conference for several hours.  I doubt I will be able to get any workout in tomorrow.  I'll just need to do a couple more planks and two rounds of P90 100 abs to make up for it.

So I'll leave a little food for thought, even though you day may be endlessly busy, even taking 5 or 10 minutes to better your health and conditioning your body will keep you 'moving on and rocking on'. \m/

Image Source: http://seasonitalready.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/couch_to_5kpic.jpg

Couch to 5K, Week 2 Day Off

Today is my off day from running.  However, just because it's my off day, doesn't mean that I lay around and not do anything.  I pre-planned my meals for the day, which makes life a little bit easier. And, I went into Curves and completed my Xtreme workout on the circuit and I feel very fulfilled with a sense of yet another day of accomplishments.

Exercising and running has become the best addiction and high.  I'm already thinking about tomorrow and planning my schedule to assure that I get my run in.  I spoke to another best friend of mine tonight and I think I have her on board with running with me tomorrow evening.  I'm looking forward to sharing this journey with her.  I hope she enjoys it and becomes just as addicted to it as I have.

So in the words of Jillian Michaels, when your exercising or running, just keep thinking "Your legs are not giving out. Your head is giving out. Keep Moving"!!! and Rocking on!!! \m/

Image Source: http://imkristina.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/day-off.png