Well it's been one thing after another today. My thoughts were racing this morning which resulted in two blogs being posted. Now, this evening, something occurred between me and my son. It was a very emotional moment that involved hugging and tears.
The evening began with all of us having dinner at the table. The kids decided they wanted to have a "family game night". We collectively chose Thursday evenings. We decided to play a game during supper to save time so they could complete their homework later. We began to have a 'Spelling Bee' around the table. We were having a good time and I was loving it because they were learning at the same time. After dinner, the children began to work on their homework. My son, we'll call him "C", had a lot of homework due to school being cancelled the day prior. Once we had gone through his homework and he was writing the final draft of his essay, I was printing out hard copies of each of my blog posts. After I was done and "C" had finished his essay, it was time to get ready for bed. I had jokingly asked "C" if he wanted any reading material before he went to bed. He asked what I had and I told him my posts from my blog. He immediately became somber and said that he couldn't read it because it would probably make him cry. Even though I was joking with him, I felt horrible that he became so emotional. "C" then stated that even without reading the posts he was beginning to cry. I walked over to him and laid my hand on his shoulder telling him its okay and to just let it out. He immediately reached out to me and held me so tight while burying his face into my shoulder. We sat together and held each other for a few minutes. I reassured him that it's okay to express his emotion and not to hold it in.
It had been such a long time since he has shown any emotion since my initial Leukemia diagnosis. During my treatments, prior to and during transplant, he wore his emotions on his sleeve. Whatever he was feeling, there was no question as to what it was. However, after my transplant and upon my return home, he didn't express very much on what he may be feeling or thinking. As more time passed, all of us, started getting more back to normal. My cancer and transplant wasn't such the main focus anymore.
Then tonight it all came back to him. "C" is a very compassionate child and very empathetic to others. He is very sensitive and is always worrying about how someone else may be feeling. He was reliving those moments of being scared, of not truly understanding what is going on and what it all means, to the possibility of losing his mother and never being able to have my physical presence and all that that offers.
As bothered as I am that he even has had to experience something so traumatic, it was a tender moment we shared with each other.
I am so proud of him and I didn't hesitate to acknowledge all of his greatness's and strengths. I made sure he understood the pleasure he has brought to my life and how proud I am of him.
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