Constantly Changing...

Life is about making changes.  It's so easy to get stuck in a rut and do the same thing day in and day out.  My life before cancer was quite predictable.  It was the same thing each day, wake up, get myself and kids ready for school, go to work, come home spend time with kids and homework, eat, read/watch tv, get ready for bed and do the same thing again the following day.  Weekends were usually spent cleaning the house and washing laundry and getting caught up on things that couldn't be done during the week. Then cancer entered our lives and we had to adapt to that change. Some things were still the same, getting kids ready for school and doing home work and keeping home and laundry in order, but the responsibilities changed.  My husband was solely responsible for the children, home and finances.  My main job was trying to fight and survive cancer.  

Now that I'm in remission, those roles have changed again.  I am beginning to maintain the house.  I'm helping the kids get ready for school and driving them to and from school.  I'm working one or two days a week (part-time) which helps lessen the financial burden on my husband.  I'm also watching a baby for a close friend of mine which help keeps me busy.  I'm enjoying this slower paced lifestyle compared to my lifestyle before cancer.  I'm actually easing back into living.  My pace started out slow and now, I'm adding more responsibilities. I'm grateful that I am able to do this.  We have had to adapt in many ways to how cancer has affected our lives.  Not only in our roles but even financially.  Going from a two-income household to one has been the most challenging.  However, we have been fortunate with a great support network of family and friends and even strangers. My husband's work can be flexible according to his lifestyle needs.  During my time of treatment, he was able to work at home and even, in the hospital or apartment, while I was going through my transplant.  

I'm finding that I'm no longer able to live that same, humdrum life that I had before cancer.  I'm constantly looking at new things and changing the way things are.  From the apps and icons and themes on my cell phone, to even the look of this blog.  I am constantly looking at or doing new things.  I'm not sure if its just wanting to experience and see so many things because it could be gone or taken away so quickly, or the fear of falling back into that predictable lifestyle before cancer.

Is this normal after a life-changing event, such as cancer? When faced with the possibility of my mortality, twice, in such a short period of time, has it made me more aware how quickly things could end?  I think that is part of why, within reason, financially and physically, I feel this constant need to experience as much as I can.

There are just so many things I want to do and not enough time (or energy) to do it.  Hopefully, I will fulfill all that I want to do. I just know that life is all about "changes" and whether good or bad, they have motivated me to keep going, to keep adapting and to keep moving forward.