Have you seen those special news programs on TV where they ask a woman to go undercover as something that our society has labeled or viewed as 'against the norm'? (i.e.wearing an obese suit, a face covered by acne or other blemishes or disfigurements, etc) During the program, the TV host reports how that specific individual was treated while in their disguise and how they were treated as they "normally" look. Usually when comparing the two scenarios, there are many differences between how that person was treated. I think it is safe to say, that many of us make a decision whether we are going to like or accept a person based upon looks alone.
I have definitely been guilty of making those preconceived notions. While I was a supervisor for a county agency, we had a lot of rollover with our employees due to burnout, which in return, the management team sat through many interviews. I knowingly made assumptions about the person being interviewed on that first observation. I was very critical of those who walked into that interview room. If they were not dressed appropriately and showed one small ounce of being unprofessional within seconds of the initial introduction, I basically wrote them off. I thought that if they couldn't take the time to care for the appearance, then their lack of effort would also show in their work.
Even in my personal life, I have been guilty of making quick judgments regarding people. But my views have changed a lot. I no longer make those quick judgments. I take the time to listen and get to know somewhere before I form an opinion. I have learned a lot through my experience and during the aftermath of battling cancer.
It has been close to a week since I decided to 'embrace the wig'. I had been living in denial for too long (2 1/2 years) and had to finally realize my hair just wasn't coming back. So, I made the decision to either cry on a daily basis trying to have my hair look somewhat okay or I can face the facts and have some fun with 'wigging it'. After I made the decision, I realized I am living the real-life "fictional" scenario that has been on TV.
Today, I realized I'm the woman in a disguise. Although, this disguise isn't just a one day thing. My disguise is going to be a daily thing and that the "real" me will only be seen at home behind closed doors. I also didn't realize until just today how I am received by strangers as the person in disguise versus the 'real' me. This realization only applies to strangers because all of my family, friends and acquaintances treat me as they have always treated me, with respect and acceptance. But for those who don't know me or what I have been through, it has become very enlightening.
During my experience battling cancer and losing my hair, I basically was a walking neon sign. I usually had a mask covering my face to prevent any germs or infections. I either had my lucky gray hat, or some other head-covering to hide my bald head. At times, I was very thin and other times, I was so puffy and round from the steroids, I didn't even recognize myself. So I could understand, the quick glances, people not wanting to maintain eye contact, and yes, even the whispering. Now it's 2 1/2 years later, the steroid swelling has gone down and I no longer need the mask. I even tried to embrace the fine hair. But, it didn't work. My neon sign isn't as bright but I still am not what society deems as 'normal' and I contribute that to my hair. I came to this conclusion because today I was greeted a couple times by complete strangers saying hello or even commenting on the weather and striking up a conversation which prior to last week rarely occurred. At times, I would attempt a conversation or offer a brief smile and more times than not, I didn't receive a response or if I did, it was brief with very little to no eye contact.
However, today, wearing my wig, another person initiated a conversation with me at the gas pump about the weather. They smiled and maintained eye contact and was very pleasant. While I was in a store, I was acknowledge and greeted and even asked if I needed help with anything. I had been in that store a few other times, without the wig, and never had anyone approach me. Is this just coincidence?
This is just a theory. Maybe people are more likely to approach or initiate contact because before I wasn't confidant in myself and now by wearing the wig, it has made given me more confidence and I feel more like the 'old' me.
Either way, it has definitely taught me not to jump to conclusions. That when meeting someone new, not to be too quick to judge. We all have our faults and insecurities and that we really should try to get to know a person and not get so caught up with what society deems 'normal'.
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