Encouragement

The past few days I have been sick and slowly recovering.  Each day keeps getting better and all I can do is hope and pray that things continue to improve.  During my down time, I have been doing a lot of reading on FB and checking out the pages I subscribe to.  Some of these pages are related to Leukemia and Bone Marrow Stem-Cell transplants.  I have noticed some postings on those pages where some have posted of their upcoming transplants, and their worries, fears, and even gratitude and praise.  With those posts of reporting their fears or missing their family while going through this intensive procedure and seclusion, I can relate to those fears and to those feelings of loneliness.

This blog is specifically for those individuals.  I know each person has their own experience and I believe we have the same fears and questions.  For those of us who have gone through the pre-transplant process, we are counseled and made aware of every little thing that is both well and unpleasant.  Sometimes those unpleasant moments can drain you but "you can do it".  Remember why your fighting.  First and foremost, your fighting for YOU!!!  Secondly, if your a parent, your fighting for your children, spouse, or significant other.  Your fighting for your family and friends.  As hard as it is sometimes, you must have the mindset of winning.  Cancer will not beat you, you will beat cancer.  I'm not being totally unrealistic and I know there will be days where you are down emotionally, and that is OK.  That is to be expected.  So, don't let anyone say to you that you shouldn't cry, or even be angry.  You have every right to feel the way you feel.  It's all about the process and healing.  It has taken me some time, almost two years, to finally start moving on from the angry stage.  I was having a hard time coping with all the inner and outer changes and I wanted my old self back.  But I'm not sure what really happened, but one day it just clicked.  I realized that my "old self" will never be.  And this "new self" is so much better.  You may not feel it now but one day you will.  You will embrace it and love it even more than you ever did before. 

It can be difficult being away from your family and friends, but with daily contact via phone or internet web calls (i.e. Skype), it really helps emotionally but it also helps the soul.  It helps to keep receiving that encouragement and while sometimes you may not want to hear it, you do remember those words and it makes you fight harder.

You may experience some re-hospitalizations, and those times can become frustrating, but they are very normal and not uncommon.  Just remember during those times, how far you've come and that this is just part of the process and healing. 

So, if your reading this and have gone through, or will be going through transplant, just know you are not alone.  Don't beat yourself up emotionally because you will have some down days, but those down days will only make you stronger.  Believe in yourself, because I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!