Very Thankful

I am so very THANKFUL for today.  Two years ago, I was spending my Thanksgiving in the hospital, prepping my body for my transplant.  Today, I sit here and reflect on that day.  My husband, children, mom and dad were in Pittsburgh with me. My Thanksgiving lunch was going to be served soon and, with my insistence, everyone went to the hospital cafeteria to eat their meal.  This was the first time in my life that I ate Thanksgiving alone.  I would lie if I didn't say it was a little lonely.  And if I had the choice of whether to experience that alone or with my family, I wouldn't change a thing.  It gave me time to think and reflect on the things that are truly important. And each Thanksgiving that I have celebrated with family and friends makes me appreciate the whole experience so much more.

Knowing what I know now regarding those days before transplant, I am truly BLESSED and THANKFUL for today.  At that time, I either chose to ignore or not really listen to what my preparation was about.  In order to prep my body for transplant, I was required to ingest a 5 day chemo regimen that was considered "lethal".  I really don't remember being told that this chemo was considered "lethal".  I found this out just this past summer.  I really didn't understand how important my fight for survival was.  Sometimes I truly believe "ignorance is bliss".  The less I knew, the better.  Many people, from family, friends, doctors, etc, tell me how much they admire me for my fight.  I have a hard time understanding that, because yes, I had bad days and even now, I have them, I truly don't see the recognition.  The transplant seemed so much easier to me then my first initial diagnosis and months of chemo treatment.   Before my relapse and toward the end of several months of chemo treatment, that is when I wanted to give up.  That's when I felt the most weak and losing my desire to live.  My transplant seemed so much easier.  I'm sure anyone who has had such an experience may feel differently, but for me, that's the reality.

So, as I sit here, this Thanksgiving Day of 2012, I not only reflect, on the past two years, days prior to transplant, but several months before during those wicked months of chemotherapy.  I am so THANKFUL to be here, in this moment, living and breathing, being a wife and mother, a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend. 

Not only am I THANKFUL for my own existence, but I'm extremely "THANKFUL" for such a great SUPPORT network of FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!  HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU WITH MUCH LOVE!!!