Tuesday, October 25, 2016
I'm not regressing.
I'm not moving forward.
I'm just there.
I feel like I'm at a crossroad. Do I move forward and leave all of cancer behind me? Or do I go left or do I go right? Will I encounter something new as a result of cancer or will I awaken something or somethings that have been dormant, only to battle and conquer again?
I know what I cannot do. I cannot and will not go back. I can't even make myself turn around. I can't even take a peek. Because what you think would be an innocent peek, would be like an innocent peek at Medusa. In just that fraction of a second, your life could end. It could turn you to stone keeping you stuck in a time you never want to relive.
I think that my path is becoming the one where I choose to move forward. But even when I move forward, somewhere on that path, I am faced with another and the only option is left or right. I need to choose because going back isn't an option. Whichever I choose it leads me to moving again to choose yet again.
This has become my new normal. A life in limbo. A life of moving forward. A life of walking in circles. But never, NEVER will it be a life going back.