Thursday, February 12, 2015

A Weak Moment

Wow, I'm an emotional wreck this morning. Things have been going really well lately. Other than my usual tiredness, emotionally and physically I'm getting back on track. However this will be the third morning waking up from a dream so great that when I wake up and realize the reality, it shakes me. And it really hit me this morning. It hit me so hard, I had to close myself up in my office at work because it affected me so deeply that I was crying so hard I didn't want anyone to know.

In my dream I had my own head of hair. I can't explain the feeling of how freeing it can be without the wig. Maybe I'm having such a difficult time because I was having a really bad wig day yesterday. When I had my regular oncology appointment last week, I stopped at the wig store at the clinic because I need new stocking caps. Unfortunately they stopped carrying them and began carrying a fishnet-like cap. It less restrictive and is suppose to stay in place. However, yesterday it kept shifting and it was very uncomfortable and my wig was also shifting.

I've become very frustrated with the wig. It looks so fake on me. I miss my shorter style and I miss my old hair. I feel as though I'm mourning it's loss all over again.

This is just one of those weak moments I'm having through this journey post leukemia and stem-cell transplant. And this is the best way for me to cope and process every thing that I'm still going through.

Thanks for listening and for your support.

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