Monday, March 10, 2014

What is Your Truth?

Some people live their life (their truth) based on the perceptions others. Some people believe in themselves and live their truth regardless of what others think. Some people are more loud with their truth while some others tend to be more quiet.

I have been enlightened on the truths of another. It has reinforced what I have already recognized within them. And the little bits of doubt that, at times, I allowed my mind to twist into something to make it worse than it actually was, has made those doubts all but disappear.

Discovering my own truth is just another part of this new journey post-cancer. I feel rejuvenated and more confident. It has made me look at myself and has me questioning "have I been honest with my own truths" What are my weaknesses? What are my strengths? What is my passion? How can I turn my fears into motivations to become the person I want to be, in both my personal and professional life?

This is another step in my journey of 'embracing my new normal'.  I have had some ups and I have had some many downs and I have been trying to make sense of it all. As each day passes, something new occurs that opens my eyes to the truth of the situation, or to the truth of an individual.  I want my truth to be seen from every angle.  The truth of the happy times and the sad times, the truth of my strengths and the truth of my weaknesses.  No one can tell you whether your truth is right or wrong. As long as you believe in yourself and embrace all aspects of your truth, only then can you be at peace with yourself.

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Sunday, March 2, 2014

A Simple Assignment

My daughter recently had her tonsils and adnoids removed. While at home recovering, my husband and I asked the school to send her schoolwork home so she wouldn't get too far behind. One of her assignments involved reading this short chapter book and answering questions related to the story.

I wasn't aware of this story, nor did I know that this was a true story until I began reading it with her. I never had a clue that I would become so emotional to the point where I had to stop to compose myself. Finally, I told my daughter that I couldn't continue. This was one reading assignment that I wouldn't be able to complete.

"Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes" is about a Japanese girl who was two years old when the atomic bomb was dropped on August 6, 1945.  Due to the affects of the atom bomb, Sadako developed leukemia. The book went on to describe Sadako's reaction and her family's reaction to her leukemia diagnosis.  It continues to explain the days in the hospital and the things she did and the emotions she felt and the physical pains and discomforts she faced.

Needless to say, it was just too much for me to bear and I was unable to continue to read. All of the emotions that were mentioned in the book were so closely related to how I felt while I was in the hospital. It was just so unexpected. Emotionally, I thought that I was dealing with things much better. But obviously, that isn't the case.

There are days and even weeks that can go by and, emotionally, I'm doing well. Other days something occurs and it triggers an emotion so powerful that I break down in tears. I felt bad when I broke down in front of my daughter. I want to show her that I'm stronger than that. But instead I felt like a failure.The story spoke too many truths and I realized I still haven't fully coped well with what I've been through.

This has been another reality check, in relation to my leukemia diagnosis and treatments. It has made me more aware of how delicate my emotions are regarding that period of time in my life. I can't allow myself to think of my emotional breakdowns as weakness, but as a part of the healing process.

I'm still healing emotionally, mentally and physically. I will think of those tears as a way of cleansing those difficult days and washing away all the negative emotions from that time in my life. And I'm hopeful that there will be a time when it will be a distant memory.

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