It's that time of year again. The time for anxiety. The time of reliving when I had to choose Life or Death. It's that time of year that reminds me of my strength and determination I didn't know I had. It's that time of year, where I am reminded of the biggest battle that I may ever had to face.
I didn't have time to be afraid. I didn't have time to overthink and try and process what would be happening. All I knew was that I had to fight. I had to win. There was no other way. This was it. Either I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I cleared my mind from all that was spoken to me to prepare me for the stem-cell transplant. I choose not to remember the possible life-threatening side effects. I withdrew from everyone and everything and protected myself by an invisible shield from the world around me. I couldn't lose focus. I had a battle to fight and conquer.
Even though I was surrounded by loved ones, family and friends, I was very alone. I had to be. Because if I allowed people to get close, I could lose my focus. There were so many overwhelming emotions and thoughts that I had to push back and keep from becoming front and center.
So now, it's that time of year where my emotions are a bit unstable. One moment I could be laughing and the next, I could be crying from a memory or a reminder of where I've been and what I went through.
This is November, the time of year, to share with others, what we are thankful for. So therefore I am thankful to be given another chance at Life and I don't intend on wasting it.
Image source:
http://blog.luggagebase.com/1374/news/todays-traveling-trends-november-2013
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