Do you ever fully recover from a cancer diagnosis? Is it similar to a person who is addicted to alcohol, drugs, or some other form of addiction?It's not about the craving or the need for it, but the fear of its return. This is one thing I learned at the support meeting I attended. The speaker made a correlation between someone being addicted to alcohol or drugs and trying to live day by day sober. Well, the same could be said about cancer. For those of us who have suffered from the disease and are now currently in remission, some of us live each day struggling with the thought of relapse.
Yesterday was the the four year anniversary date of my initial diagnosis. It's very fresh on my mind. I had a difficult time sleeping last night because of it. I tried many times to use 'positive thinking' about where I'm at now regarding my health. Anytime I began thinking negatively, or became fearful , I found something positive to erase the negative feelings.
Today, I was faced with one of those fears. I discovered it after I got out of the shower and was getting ready for work. While I was putting lotion on my legs, I discovered a few bruises on my shin. One of those was bigger than the others. I instantly thought about my initial bruising I had when I was initially diagnosed, and then I thought about the bruising when I relapsed. Each of those times, the bruises, were slightly different. The bruises today, resembled my relapse bruises. I reacted instantly by stripping down to the bare and looking in the mirror trying to discover if there were any more I wasn't aware of. Once I saw there were no more bruises, I began to calm down. But not enough for my peace of mind. Once I got dressed and finished getting ready, I went looking for my husband. I needed his reassurance that the bruises looked normal. I needed him to tell me it was okay. But even with his reassurance, I'm still fearful.
I'm wracking my brain thinking of any incident that could have initiated these bruises. I haven't thought of anything yet, but I'm sure there is a reasonable, healthy explanation. I will be more hyper-aware of my activities until I meet with my doctor in mid-July. I need to do this because, if it is relapse, time is not on my side. I will just keep hoping and praying this is just typical bruising and try moving forward with my life.
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