It is difficult moving forward without looking back at your life's journey. I was reminded of this this past weekend when watching the DVD of my wedding that took place 14 1/2 years ago. Originally, the video of my wedding was recorded on a VHS tape and my parents had it transferred to a DVD. I was surprised to find this out and became very emotional when I was told. I instantly began crying and I couldn't pinpoint exactly one reason why. There were so many thoughts running through my mind about that day.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have always dreamed about what my wedding day would be like. I was definitely a fairy tale girl with "happily ever afters". I believed my wedding day would be one of those too. Unfortunately, there were circumstances that occurred that day that destroyed that illusion. Due to the hurt and war of emotions that occurred that day, I had trouble looking at my wedding day as anything but anger, hurt and sadness. I allowed myself to be ruled by those emotions when looking back.
But 14 1/2 years later when I watched the video, I watched it with new eyes. Yes, it wasn't my dream wedding but it was so much more. I look at it with new eyes and a better sense of what truly is important. I listened and watched the personal messages, including my husband's, that spoke of love and looking forward to a future that will be full of ups and downs, and the "downs" being a part of life's journey and that neither of us will be alone in that journey because we have each other to lean on and carry each other through.
Furthermore, I see the support of so many family and friends (past and present) that were a part of our day and believed in "us" as a couple. They gave their unconditional love and support.
Watching this video was definitely a re-awakening of that day that I, unfortunately, looked upon as a day sadness. I was so selfish in my thoughts of what that day should be rather than what it was. That day I truly received the best gift ever. I received the gift of acceptance and unconditional love from a man who has been by my side through all the ups and downs of life and life with cancer. He has always looked upon our wedding day this way and I always failed to look at it through his eyes. But, now I "get" it. Having this third chance at life has made me aware of so much that, at the time, I thought was important but was actually a trivial thing.
Now, I look at my wedding day as I day where a vowed to love, honor and respect the most wonderful man in my life, while being surrounded by the love and support from our family and friends.
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