Happy Thanksgiving

Every Thanksgiving I am reminded of my Thanksgiving five years ago. And ironically, this morning while watching the TODAY Show, I was reminded again. A segment was being aired about two young children who are siblings who was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML), the same leukemia I had. Throughout the segment it was stated that this type of leukemia is especially deadly and one that is a death sentence unless you are lucky enough to have a bone marrow transplant.

Hearing those words about AML basically being a death sentence caused another emotional storm. It brought me back to my consult with my doctor after I was told of my relapse. He had stated that because of my relapse, the next option will need to be a stem-cell transplant. I had asked him if I decided against the stem-cell transplant, what would happen? He stated that my remissions would be tougher and if I was lucky to become in remission, those remissions, would become shorter and shorter, until my death. I remember sitting there thinking, oh my god my remission didn't even last a year. And if the remissions become shorter and shorter, I may not even be alive in a year. I have no choice. I don't have time to sit on it because of my type of cancer. It rapidly grows and multiplies within the blood that this decision has to be immediate and it needs to be now. That's when I decided to do it. I need to have the stem-cell transplant. Regardless of the side effects, this is the only choice I have or else, imminent death.

This leads me to where I am now today on Thanksgiving. I had to prepare my body for the transplant. I needed to receive 5 doses of highly toxic, lethal chemo to assure my body is wiped clean of the leukemia cells. It was a scary time because some people refer to this chemo regimen as 'lethal' chemo. Some people don't make it through. So as I'm receiving these highly lethal doses of chemo over a 5 day period of time, Thanksgiving fell on one of those days.  I remember my husband and the kids being at the hospital, along with my mom and dad. It was around lunch time and the kids were getting hungry and one of the nurses had just walked in my room with a tray - my Thanksgiving meal or how I felt inside as what could be my 'last supper'. I told my family go ahead to the cafeteria and have their Thanksgiving meal together. I will be okay and could use the time to myself.  It was one of the most loneliest times ever in my life. But it was also time I needed. I remember looking around the room and thinking this is not the place I'm going to die. This will not be the place where my family sees me last. And here I am today, blogging about my journey.

My blogging has become so therapeutic for me. More therapeutic than any counseling or therapy. I can just let it all pour out about how I'm thinking or feeling on a particular day. If you've read my past blog posts, its very apparent the emotional ups and downs I have gone through and continue to go through. I am moving on with my life but my experience and my emotions about that experience have affected me so greatly this is the only way I can cope.

So in closing, I am so tremendously grateful for every Thanksgiving. I am not in a hospital bed, alone, eating my Thanksgiving meal. I am here spending it with my family. In fact, before cancer Christmas was always my favorite holiday, but since Thanksgiving has become mine. It's very personal to me and was an enlightening experience that day 5 years ago.

I'm so thankful for today and for my donor, Andrea W. Without you I wouldn't be here. God Bless and I wish everyone a most happy, grateful and thankful day!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!


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