Have you ever had a dream where it shakes you to the core??? And after waking from that dream, it takes you a little bit to process and think, maybe even say it out loud 'it was just a dream'. This is how my morning started.
My body is still reacting to this dream, or should I say NIGHTMARE??? I'm shaky because of the adrenaline coursing through my body, the shock of the dream and all the past emotions that I've gone through with my initial diagnosis and relapse.
I'm exhaling in relief and even shedding some tears because I know it was just a dream. I was so frightened to turn my light on to even look. When I found the courage to turn the light on, it created shadows and for a split second I thought my dream became reality. Thankfully, it was just shadows and there were no huge, bluish purple bruises covering my legs (and body).
The heaviness that was weighing down on my chest was lifted, however my nerves are shot. My hands won't quit shaking.
I realize I had a dream but that ugly fear (of cancer) is always lurking in the shadows. And as much as I continue to move on, it always creeps out to remind me it's there or it jumps out so unexpectedly that it scares the holy shit out of me!!!
It has been a rough couple of months with losing some fellow warriors with their battle and also hearing of a relapse of another. Things are fresh on my mind and because of this, I'm telling myself, is the reason for my current nightmare.
I'm going to continue taking some deep breaths and begin putting this nightmare out of my mind. I'm going to move on and enjoy this Christmas season with my dearest family and friends!!!