"Thank You" Just Isn't Enough

I'm very excited today.  I have just made the first step in contacting my donor.  The "release of information" has just been sent.  I have been told it may take as long as a month to know anything.  Also, I'm aware that my donor can choose whether she may or may not want to respond.  There are many emotions going through my mind right now.  I'm feeling anticipation and excitement knowing that I may be finally able to communicate with the one person who has "saved" my life and has given me this third chance at living.  She has not only given me this gift, but she has given this gift to my husband, children, family and friends.

With these feelings of anticipation and excitement, I also have a sense of "fear".  A fear that, for whatever reason that may be, she may wish not to make that contact.  I will most definitely respect her wishes but there are so many questions in my mind and the changes I have noticed within myself that I constantly wonder could it be because I also carry "her" through out every artery, capillary, vessel and marrow in me.  I will never be alone because I will always have a part of her with me.

If she accepts my request for contact, I'm not sure where to begin.  Just saying "Thank You" doesn't seem enough.  She, along with God, has given me another opportunity of Life. She has given me the chance to be a wife to my husband and a mother to my children.  She allowed me to continue to see my family and friends on a daily basis.  It's because of her selfless decision that I'm here.  I can't even describe to you the amount of emotion flowing through me at this moment.  I guess it's better to break down now, because if I'm given the chance to communicate with her, I will need to maintain some form of composure.

So, today is another step in my journey.  It has taken me some time to decide to do this.  I needed to be ready for that contact to be made.  I feel I am ready for where ever this may lead or will this may end.  It could be a beginning to a new friendship or a closing of a chapter in my life with the knowledge that because of "her", I'm here and I will always be grateful for "her" Gift of Life.