Here We Go.....Again!!!

The above quote definitely represents my life right now.  Just a week or so ago, I was down with the flu and I battled through it and began to move forward with my life, again.  I have changed my diet to something that is more healthy and have increased my activity and began a a regular exercise regimen.  I began seeing results and noticed I began regaining the energy and strength I lost during my treatments and after transplant. However, here I am, yet again, down with some form of sickness, flu or whatever it may be.  I'm coughing constantly and I'm so congested that my head and sinuses ache. I understand that even though all my blood work is normal and I'm being told to continue on with life, I'm still having these setbacks.   I'm still more likely to catch the common cold, etc. because my immune system isn't as strong as someone who hasn't been through cancer and all of the after-effects it brings.

So why is it every time I want to begin moving forward, I have another setback?  It can be so frustrating.  Sometimes I just want to bang my head against the wall or scream because I'm so angry.  My doctor says I can start begin living my life normally, with only a few restrictions.  But how can I do that when something always surfaces and holds me back from moving forward?  I'm just really frustrated today.  Typically, when I get something in my head, I go full-force and this morning, one of my best friends had me look at it from a different perspective.  Instead of looking at this as my body combating me but as my body saying "we're okay, let's take this slow and we'll get there".  So, that is what I need to start doing.  I need to change my mindset from the negative and turn that anger and frustration into the positive.  This journey after transplant is not going to be smooth and easy and there will be peaks and valleys.  And even though my mind is revved and going full speed ahead, I need to wait for my body to catch up. Because if I don't, I'm actually setting myself up for more obstacles and I need to learn to balance the two so that I feel I'm moving forward than falling behind.

So I need to think of myself as that arrow, being temporarily pulled back but being launched into something great!!! ;-)