Wednesday, November 30, 2016

My 6th year re-Birthday



Six years ago tonight I was given another chance at life. A complete stranger from the other side of the world, selflessly, donated her stem-cells in order to save someone's life. 

In a way I feel special because I am blessed with two birthdays, my actual birthday and my re-birthday.

My re-birthday signifies a new life, a new journey, a new beginning. It is a reason to celebrate. There is no shame to recognize and speak of it. Because without it, I would not be here.

This day does not signify grief or sadness. There's no doubt the journey to be where I am today was a long one and there were times the outcome was unknown but there was always hope. And that hope went minute by minute, to hour by hour, from day by day until it has become year by year.

For me, my re-birthday is a day to celebrate and recognize the importance of this monumental miracle.  It's a day to celebrate life, to embrace it, to love, to laugh and to appreciate each other and know how blessed we truly are. ❤

God bless and Rock on!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Time to Reflect and Be Thankful




This is the time of year that I always reflect on the year 2010 and where  I was on Thanksgiving day.  Six years ago, I was prepping for my stem-cell transplant. Laying in my hospital bed, eating my dinner by myself, while my family had their dinner in the hospital cafeteria.

The memory of that day really puts things in perspective. It has taught me to cherish each day, treasure every moment no matter how big or small, to love hard, and to be thankful for family, friends, and to my selfless donor who gave me another chance at life.

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless!!!


Image source:
http://thedoubter.org/977/thanksgiving-eve-service/

Friday, November 11, 2016

My Guardian Angels

We all have our beliefs and I ask you to respect mine, especially for what I'm about to tell you.

I want to point out that in my past, especially in college, my faith had been tested a few times, and I questioned God's existence.. And over time, even before my cancer experience, I knew deep down my belief in something greater than our own selves and knew that God does exist and lives in my heart. 

A couple of weeks ago, I had someone approach me and stated that someone I know has a gift. A gift of communicating with the spirit world. And that this person has been wanting to approach me but unsure of what my reaction would be or if I would be open to hear what she had to say. I have to say with everything I have been through my curiosity was peaked.  And just for the record, I have only just met this person and have only been around them just a few times.

So I approached this person and asked her if this was true. She stated that when she first met me she was overwhelmed by four (4) strong women and that these women are related to me through my maternal side of the family. There is one that stands out as my main protector and her name begins with an 'E'. I couldn't think of anyone on my mom's side that would have that name. There is a great aunt who is still living so it could not be her. I asked my mom about my Grammy and the miscarriage she had and questioned if it was a boy or girl. My mom didn't know but she did say that my Grammy had a sister who passed away as a baby but couldn't remember her name. We decided to share this with my cousin who we thought may be able to remember but she couldn't either, so we decided to ask other family members the next chance we had. 

So after this person disclosed the information regarding the name, she proceeded to say that all four (4) of these women wanted to let me know that I will be okay and to stop living in fear. That I won't be touched again by what I've been through. They want me to move on and enjoy life. She continued to say that these women are telling her to ask about a specific place that holds meaning to me and that it's a place that consists of lighting a candle. They stated that I had stopped lighting those candles and all they ask from me is that I light those candles again. 

I was blown away by this. As a child and into young adulthood, every Christmas Eve was spent at my Grammy and Grandpa's. I cherish those memories to this day and because they meant so much to me, I wanted to carry on the Christmas Eve tradition when my Grammy passed away. The first few Christmas Eve's I had a candle lighting ceremony. It consisted of lighting three (3) candles. One was for my uncle who was killed in a motorcycle accident and his birthday was on Christmas Eve, so a candle was lit in his memory. The second candle that was lit was dedicated to those family and friends who have passed on and lit in their memory, while the third candle was lit in memory of my Grammy who made every effort to make sure we all had the best Christmas Eve filled with great food, laughter, love and music.   

But for some reason, I stopped. I stopped lighting them. It was after my cancer experience where I changed. I'm not sure if it's been for better or for worse, I would like to think better but I stopped lighting those candles. 

So as you can imagine when this person told me that these women are asking for me to start lighting those candles again, I knew. I knew this just wasn't coincidence. No one in my family knows her and no one would know of this tradition  that I used to do. This is real. And it confirms my feelings that I have always felt that I've had more than one person looking over me. Never did I know it would be four.  

As you can guess, I definitely shared this with my husband, kids, my mom and dad, and even my cousin. And today, it all made sense. All the dots have been connected. My mom and dad visited the cemetery where my Grammy, Grandpa and Uncle are laid to rest. They were visiting today, Veteran's Day,  to pay their respects because my Grandpa and Uncle were in the Navy. So while they were there, they walked the cemetery looking for the resting place of my Grammy's sister. And they found it. Her tombstone says 'TU SPOCIVA' which means 'Here Lies' and her name was Ella. She was born April 2, 1923 and died March 17, 1924. She was 11 months old. I truly believe she is my protector, my Guardian Angel. 

Here is the picture of the tombstone that my mom sent me. 


 
 
I feel so blessed to have not just her, but three (3) other women who watch over me. This gives me comfort. This gives me joy. And when God decides it is my time, I know I will not be alone. They will be on the other side waiting for me and leading me to a blessed everlasting spiritual life. 



Tuesday, October 25, 2016

In Limbo



I'm stuck.
I'm not regressing.
I'm not moving forward.
I'm just there.

I feel like I'm at a crossroad. Do I move forward and leave all of cancer behind me? Or do I go left or do I go right? Will I encounter something new as a result of cancer or will I awaken something or somethings that have been dormant, only to battle and conquer again?

I know what I cannot do. I cannot and will not go back. I can't even make myself turn around. I can't even take a peek. Because what you think would be an innocent peek, would be like an innocent peek at Medusa. In just that fraction of a second, your life could end. It could turn you to stone keeping you stuck in a time you never want to relive.

I think that my path is becoming the one where I choose to move forward. But even when I move forward, somewhere on that path, I am faced with another and the only option is left or right. I need to choose because going back isn't an option. Whichever I choose it leads me to moving again to choose yet again.

This has become my new normal. A life in limbo. A life of moving forward. A life of walking in circles. But never, NEVER will it be a life going back.

Image source
http://www.meahrobertson.com.au/crossroads

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Life After Cancer


This article is amazingly accurate....feels like she was inside my own head and read my thoughts

Check out this article...

http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/2015/03/16/lost-in-transition-after-cancer/?_r=0&referer=

Thursday, September 1, 2016

September - Blood Cancer Awareness Month


For all those who have fought the battle and who are still fighting!!!


Image sorce; 
Instagram  @bonemarrowstemcelltransplantclub 




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